[[ Trapped Behind The Windows]]

Thursday, August 02, 2007

[[~bLaNk~]]

dun noe y i start to be emo again. suddenly i feel dam fucking lonely. pardon me for using that f word. i juz cant control it. it's nt becoz i cant go the trip wif them. (so pals, dun worry, we can always go out again. n dun bothers abt wat i wrote the last blog. i'm juz being crazy) it's coz i realise many things. human is selfish in nature. people choose to go with the one they will benefit from. even him is the same. i feel lonely rite nw. i m reali veri tired n need a rest. it seems like the earth stop moving in my world. i miss my happiness, my liviness and my smile. i cant nv smile truely anymore. my sunshine has been block by dark shadow. it can never come out any more. lots and lots of burden make me feel veri heavy, i wan to get out of it. i reali need a shoulder now. a shoulder which can let me lean on it. i m too tired. i cant explain wat reali happen to me. coz i oso dun noe wzat reali happen to me. can anyone out there tell me why. why i become like this. whr's the old cheerful peizhen? whr has she gone to? i reali miss her. although she always smile outside but crying inside, at least she smiles. but now, i cant even smile. i reali miss her. i dun noe y i start to hate myself. i reali hate this me. i want the old me. i hate putting on a sad face everydae. i rather cry to myself. i hate to see people ard me sad for me, criticize me etc. what reali happen to me..... i'm lost! i reali wish to be part of u guys, a close part of u, but i juz cant get in. i can onli stay at the door. i can never get into the house of urs. no matter wat i did, i juz cant get in. am i that irritating that makes u all throw me out of the house? or am i blocking ur way? please tell me wat i should do! i have no idea wat shld i do to be able to go in the house of urs. i have tried it for years, but i juz cant do it. no matter where i go, i juz cant go in any of the house. i hate myself..... i reali hate myself alot. some times, i reali feel like killing myself and end this miserable life..... whenever i nid someone to tok to, i could not find any who i can tok to..... not even him..... no one understand me. i do not have a best friend, a friend who i can tok to, tell him/her my problems, my sorrow, to share my happiness. everydae wake up, go sch, finish sch come hm and slp. i dun have one who can tok to me n share things wif me. y is this so??? why others have, but i do not hav??? will ending my life settles everything? i'm not sure.... maybe even if i'm died, i could be a wandering soul... still as lonely. i dun noe wat i am toking now, but i'm veri sure that, i m clear of wat i'm doing. the only person i can tok to now is myself... i hav to depend on myself... everytime i m sad, i hav to keep my tears till midnite and cry to myself under the blanket. after crying, i hav to pretend nth happen the next dae. one dae, i will suffer from depressions and will kill myself. ending this miserable and lonely lives of mine mayb i will feel much better. i have a feeling that, my life span is veri short. it's going to end soon..... seriously, i nv predict wrongly. i will leave this world soon..... maybe before i leave, i wish i could have a best friend who i always hope for but never realise. i really want someone always there for me when i need someone two tok to...................................

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friends around me...... if one day i really leaves this world, pls dun cry for me. be happy for me. beacause i have thrown away all my burdens and die peacefully. if one dae, u see me cry, dun ask me why, i may not noe the answer too.... because i juz feel too lonely n depressed....

if i got the chance to change my life, i will make sure u guys are still ard me...... coz u guys make things happen in me...... really, if i leaves this world, smile for me. never cry for me!

[[Trapped Behind The Windows]]*|12:39 AM|

[[*Trapped Soul*]]

~//-*pR!ncEsS PhoeBe`-//*

. PhoeBe Lim
. Capricorn! (:
. ~*23yrs oLd*~
. UniSiM-BsC MArketing(:
. 4th Jan 1988
. PaS!R r!s! ((:
. epiggy88@hotmail.com

. Likes happy endings. =)

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